Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Grandma Diaries (part 3)

Those who know me well know that if there is one thing in this world that I have a completely bipolar relationship with, it's feet. I hate feet. I think they're disgusting. I don't like to look at them. I don't like to touch them. Frankly, I'd rather pick up a snake than give someone a foot massage. (I don't know. Don't ask.) I don't like mine to be touched. I do like tan lines on my feet. That's about it. To counter this dislike, I've developed a few fetishes to help with the balance (theoretically). I love socks. I love how warm they are and I'm pretty sure that I have more socks than the rest of my wardrobe combined. Shoes. I also have a HUGE fascination with shoes. I love them. Shoes are one of the first things I notice about a person. I don't know what that means. I don't know what it says about my self-esteem, considering that the first thing I notice about a person is their feet. The really amusing part of my fascination with shoes is my personal shoe collection. or maybe lack thereof? I have one of the blandest shoe collections that I have ever encountered. I do have patent leather red ballet flats. That's probably the most exciting part of my collection, but really, I'm okay with that. I have other things that I'd like to spend my money on.
The real purpose behind this post is announce that I'm slowly getting over my issues with feet. Living with Grandma has given me opportunities to help with her shoes and socks and feet. Not my favorite part of living with Grandma. It's okay. I'm learning to get over it. Someday I'd like to get to this point. (Check out 36-38.)
It'll happen.

Monday, October 26, 2009

best. phone call. ever.

"shandy. this is jim."
"what was the name of the furry guy that gave up his inheritance for a bowl of soup?"

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Grandma Diaries...(part 2)

I don't know how many parts there are going to be to this segment, but today we had the ceremonial lighting of our Halloween Pumpkin. I felt the urge to sing (like unto the Olympic Fanfare), but in bout of performance anxiety I couldn't think of a single Halloween song. I think at some point I learned SOMEthing. Carla-lady taught me music for 10+'d think I'd have learned at least ONE song, but nothing. I had absolutely nothing. Grandma, being the fantastic lady and never-ending font of primary songs that she is, stepped up with a song about a little jack-o-lantern sitting in a pan waiting to go into the oven. I thought it was sufficient if not appropriate.
I had a realization today. In Sunday School we were discussing Spirtual, Temporal, and Emotional Self Reliance. I had some fascinating thoughts. On my mission I felt like I got a decent understanding of spiritual self reliance and why it is important. It's amazing to see how a testimony can change and govern a person. I won't say I'm exempt to trials, but I do know that when they come there is reason in "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear." Temporally, I understand the necessity of food storage, emergency preparedness, and staying out of debt (ps as of 2 weeks ago Bojangles is officially paid off and and I'm officially debt free!). Emotional self reliance, however, was a new concept for me. And I think I liked it. It's something that I've been struggling with since I moved in with Grandma. My parents had no problem with voicing their concerns about me moving in with Grandma because I wouldn't have anyone to share the burden with. Dad had Mom, Brady had Becky, Aunt Dorice had Uncle Bob...I had blanket? Don't get me wrong, I've had amazing friends and family supporting me through all of this, but I guess it's not quite the same. I guess the realization that I had today is that emotional self reliance isn't about having someone who knows me, and what I'm thinking, and what I'm feeling. I mean, it would be nice. I'm not against it by any means, but emotional self reliance is a little different...maybe more than that. Emotional self reliance isn't necessarily being SELF reliant, but being reliant on the Lord. Really, He is the ideal one. He knows everything and has all the answers and is totally willing to give comfort and the needed blessings.
Now. Here's the real question. How do I share this with Grandma?

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Grandma Diaries...(part 1).

After a highly productive afternoon on my part (paying for a cruise, registering for a class, and getting my brakes checked), my grandmother told me that the neighbor boy across the street said he would take her out for icecream and wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with her in public. I decided at that moment that I haven't been as dilligent as I should be when it comes to spending time with my grandmother and that tonight is her night. So far it has consisted of the first quarter of the Morgan/Juan Diego football game, 2 matches of the BYU/UTAH woman's volleyball game (with a complimentary lecture on the differences of volleyball scoring since she played volleyball), and the 2006 BYU/TCU upset. I'd like to announce that despite my dislike for organized sports such as football, I am intelligent enough to know that John Beck is no longer BYU's quarterback. Yay me. Also, I apparently have taken up my grandfather's traditional post on the couch. She keeps looking over and calling me Tess. or Dorice. finally Shandy. I think I slept for an hour in the midst of all of this and I think I dreamt that I drank a gallon of milk. I think I want a glass of milk now.

Monday, October 19, 2009


Okay, so I'm not REALLY homeless, but I kind of feel it. Funny story. I walked into work on Friday to find out that there was a waterfall in my office. The dentist upstairs had a drainage issue. That made for an exciting Friday full of wet MRI's and dental water. To be completely honest, I totally forgot about it over the weekend. I felt good about that...until today. I walked in today and realized that I had no office. No desk. No computer. Really-no purpose in being here today. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps...I could go home, but then I realized that really...the only things I have to do there are change my oil and make chocolate popcorn for my hometeachers. That's not going to take ALL afternoon. I decided I'd stick it out. So here I sit. I'm working off my manager's computer. I have no desk. Everything I need is locked in a room with 2 industrial fans and a lot of noise and humidity. Yup. That's about it. The good news is there will be chocolate popcorn. Tonight.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Meet my parents.

Today they have been married 29 years.
That's 29 shared birthday cakes.
348 Months.
1508 Weeks.
10585 Days.
254040 Hours.
15242400 Minutes.
914544000 Seconds.
3 Happy kids.
and 1 FANTASTIC grandkid.
Love you Funny Old People.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Once again I'm taking bets...

It's October. That means it's time for me to register my car. Last year (see here) it took a little bit longer than originally planned. This year, the stickers were put in the mail 2 nights ago. Any predictions for when they will arrive?

Addendum: (4 hours later) Apparently I need to have a little faith in USPS. My registration arrived in 2 days or less. I consider myself blessed.

Monday, October 5, 2009

So I laughed.

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words?
"He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll wast no time reading it." Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend....if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S Cobb
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." Forest Tucker
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; other whenever they go." Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp=posts...for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho Marx
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subracting from the sum of human knowledge." Thomas Brackett Reed
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." Winston Churchill
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Things I'm Looking forward to...

1) My conference Ensign.
2) Visiting Em with KP. This weekend.
3) Sweater weather.
4) Watching/Listening to conference as I get ready for work for the next month.
5) Pumpkin anything: muffins, bread, cookies, pie, seeds, shakes, spice, etc.
6) Running AFTER work.
7) The last week of January.
8) Cooking Thanksgiving for Grandma.