I'm going to preface this with, "I'm a nice person, I promise." Having said that, I'm not the easiest person in the world to get a hold of.  I usually forget my phone exists once I get home from work.  I spend most of my days on the phone or on hold and I just don't feel an overwhelming desire to continue the cycle in the comfort of my own home.  

Wanna guess what I'm doing?  

Right now?  

I'm on hold.  

Yup. Just ate dinner and have now moved on to blogging as I sit next to my phone and listen to the "your hold time is x minutes" announcements. I'm down to 7 minutes.  Yay me.  Why would I be doing this?  Good question.  I'm going home for Thanksgiving.  It's been seven years since I was home for turkey, Aunt Dorice's pies, and the Nebraska bowl game.  It's about time, right?  That's what I thought.

Good news!!! They picked up! and I'm going home!!!

Can I tell you how happy I am that it's 79 degrees at 8:40pm?
My heart is happy.
I feel so blessed this evening.
I have a body,
It heals on its own.
I have a family that loves me.
Especially a mom.
I have a house with air conditioning.
I can sit on the porch.
I planted 40 petunias.
Then the cottonwood tree snowed.
I took zyrtec
And can still enjoy the back yard.
I have a warm fuzzy bed.
I'm curious to see what this week will bring.
I know the blessings will continue.

Springtime insights

*I remembered to take out my contacts tonight. Definite progress.
*I proved Brady's 9:00 rule last week.  Anything you try to do after 9:00 pm you can do better in half of the time tomorrow. I also learned how to make yellow cake from scratch.
*I've been running more.
*Spring still makes me sneeze.
*While watching TOP GEAR I realized that I am a girlie girl.  Not because I know very little about cars, but because while they were talking about some car going 0 to 120 in x minutes, I was thinking about my new flat iron that will go from 0 to 450 in 30 seconds.
*Going to an art museum tomorrow. Try to be cultured.

spontaneity or stupidity?

I just registered for a 5k in April and a 10k in May.  

They're both supposed to be pretty.

That should help, right?

My mission made me.

This is a comment that I believe I heard from one my institute teachers many years ago.  I was just getting ready for my mission so the thought stuck with me.  The mission was enigma to me because I had heard variations on that comment so many times.  I knew it was important. I knew it was a big deal.  I knew it would change a lot of things in my life, but I had no idea exactly HOW it would work.  I have since learned that you can't really explain it.  I worked hard for 18 months.  I came home exhausted and then it was over.  New callings came. New employment came.  I learned to apply the things I learned on the mission to the life that I was currently living, but I don't know that I felt exactly "made". I was just me, perhaps a little better, but still hopelessly flawed.
Flash forward 7 years. Here I am.  Still me. Still hopelessly flawed.  Still trying to learn/perfect things that I learned on the mission and in life since then.  Did I mention still flawed? Yup. Still flawed.  Now encountering an entirely new part of the world as I know it.  Special Needs Mutual.  The calling that I rave about to anyone that listens.  The calling that must have been inspired because the uninspired would have been mad to put me there.  The calling that has not just made me, but saved me.
I walked into the calling and the only things that people could really tell me about it were: 1) it's so much fun! (who's not up for fun?!?); and 2) there is so much love in the calling. I knew how to love.  I'm part of an amazing family that has shown me so much love.  I served a mission. I've been a Relief Society president.  I've got this under control, right?
Nope. Not a chance.  If anything, I've learned exactly how little I knew before.  I have the awesome blessing to learn from and love those who are truly chosen in the Lord's eyes. As I was set apart by a member of the stake presidency, he reminded me that these kids were the leaders in the war in heaven.  They are being protected from the world by their conditions and their broken shells of bodies.  I can learn much from them, their examples, and their Christ-like love.  And oh boy, have I.  We had a visiting ward come in last week and bring us an activity for mutual. As we cleaned everything up and sent our kids home, we found two Beehives (12 year old girls) that looked like they had been crying.  One of the other leaders asked them if they were okay.  Their response was that the kids spirits were so strong, it was beautiful.  I couldn't have said it better.  They were only there for an hour. Maybe an hour and a half.  I get to see these kids every week.-see their smiles, look into their eyes, and know that there is more in that body than we can see with our worldly eyes.  These kids have taught me to love. They give the best hugs!!! They have pulled me out side of myself and made me aware of the world around me. The have given me the opportunity to love and serve them, and in doing so have given me the blessings that my Heavenly Father has been waiting to give me when I was ready to receive them.  For that I will always be grateful...

flashback to childhood.

I've been having a hard time blogging the past few months.  I just haven't felt like I've had anything remotely interesting or profound to say. I opened blogger tonight to find 3 unfinished drafts of posts that are now all out of date. I guess I'm feeling inspired because of the new year because I have recently had a rush of genius ideas.
Last night I had a flashback to my childhood. I was amused to say the least. I was checking out at the grocery store as a mother with 3 kids was checking out in the aisle next to mine. As I walked out of the store, I followed the older two (boy about 5 and girl about 3) around the corner to the ice freezers. By the time I got there the little girl had climbed half way into the freezer and brother was trying to pull her out.  Did I mention that it was maybe 5 degrees outside? I guess it's not often that we climb into freezers to get warm. Did this happen in my childhood? No. But the kids reminded me or my brother and I.

Holland

It's 10 DAYS until Halloween. A lot of years, I've mentally skipped that and moved on to the 65 days until Christmas, but this year is different.  The past couple of years have been different.  More exciting than Halloween and Christmas has been fall.  32 days until Thanksgiving! The weather is cooling down.  The leaves are turning colors-not just in the mountains, but in my back yard. Fall food is in season. Right now I am so grateful for the blessings that I have.  As of this point I maintain that I may or may not have the best calling in the church. I am so grateful for the kids that I have the opportunity to work with.  Today we had sacrament meeting with one of the visiting wards that came and did an activity with us last week.  One of the mothers of one of our special needs kids spoke and shared a story that somehow applied.  She said she found it in Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul under disabilities. (Her daughter has cerebral palsy.) The story is called
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley.

Having a child is like planning a vacation to Italy. You purchase your guide books, study conversational Italian, and make plans for all the sights you will see. It will be glorious. After months of preparation you pack your bags and hop on your plane. Eight hours later the plane lands and the stewardess says, "Welcome to Holland."
Holland?! I planned for Italy. I signed up for Italy!
There has been a change in plans. You landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that you aren't in a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, ridden with famine and disease. It's just different.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks, learn a new language, and get to know different people than you were originally planning.  After a while you notice that it's not a bad place. It's just different. It's slower paced and less flashy, but it has windmills. It has tulips. It even has Rembrandts.  It is hard to give up Italy. It has been a dream, a goal, for so long. People will continue to talk about it for as long as they go and come. You will change. You will learn to love Holland for everything that it is instead.

As a 30 year old, never married, single in the LDS community sometimes I feel like I've been shipped to Holland especially when the kids I grew up with are on their second, even third trips to Italy.  This calling has helped me to notice that Holland really is amazing. These kids are my Rembrandts. I am so blessed. I think I'm going to learn Dutch. Or at least how to make stroopwafels.