Thankful Sunday: Rexburg, Idaho

I just got home from a fabulous weekend. Traditionally this is my girl power weekend. For the past 3 years, I have gone to Bryce Canyon with a dozen women who are brilliant, successful, happy, and inspiring.  We have skied, snow shoed, and hiked. We play games and laugh and learn and grow from each other. It's one of my favorite weekends of the year.  Due to the current government shutdown and some crazy schedules, we opted to not go to Bryce this year. One of these dear friends of mine just purchased a house in Rexburg, Idaho.  She teaches at BYU-Idaho. We decided to go check out her new home take advantage of the great Idaho snow at Mesa Falls and Harriman State Park.  It was a fabulous weekend. Somehow, in the planning of this weekend, I missed the fact that I was going BACK to Rexburg. It didn't hit me until we got off the freeway. I went to Ricks College and BYU Idaho. I started the process of defining myself as an adult.  I learned how to live with people who were not immediate family.  I made new friends, some of whom are still my friends 17 years later. (It's mind-boggling that I can say that.) I learned how to think for myself. I learned how to find people who agree with me. I learned how to deal with people who disagree with me. I was hit with a wave of nostalgia when I saw the hill. There's a temple on the horizon now and there isn't a place in the world that isn't more deserving of it.
This weekend only made my love of southeast Idaho stronger. We snowshoed in a beautiful storm, clear air, and with great company. We ate good food (Big Juds!!!), played games, and new to the weekend, we did yoga (one of the girls is a counselor for battered women and children and a therapeutic yoga instructor. She wins ALL the points.) I came home relaxed and rejuvenated. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me. He sent me to Rexburg when I needed to be there so I could meet the people that I needed to meet. He has given me the friends that I need now to get me through my current set of trials. I am watched over and blessed and grateful for it.

Thankful Sunday: Books. Good books.

Yesterday I woke up without an alarm clock and planned to not leave my bed until I finished reading a book that I had had been given for Christmas.  I did leave my bed briefly to eat pancakes, (shout out to the roommate for that one!) but returned quickly to finish TASTING THE SKY: A PALESTINIAN CHILDHOOD. Not going to lie...this is not what I typically would have picked off the shelf at the library or the bookstore, but I'm grateful for friends with different taste from my own. The protagonist found a friend as a refugee during the Six-Day War in a piece of chalk.  Her friend was Alef, the first letter of the Arabic alphabet.  As time went on and she learned and grew, she realized that Alef had other friends and that she was able to find another world in letters and words.  How many times has this happened to me?!  Throughout my life, I have found many friends through letters and words, the March sisters, the Alden siblings, Huckleberry Finn, the Bennets and Darcys and Bingleys, Reuven Malter and Danny Saunders, there are entire worlds...I think I could literally list a thousand friends that I have found through books. I have found strength in their struggles. I have found peace in their wisdom.  I am grateful that I found a love for them all at an early age and that love has continued with me into adulthood.

Thankful Thursday...

As I thought about goals that I would like to set for this year, one thing that kept crossing my mind was gratitude.  I've been doing a lot of thinking and studying on the power of positivity and the changes that gratitude cause in my attitude.  I had a friend that for a couple of semesters had a "Thankful Thursday" every week and posted one thing that she was grateful for.  I wanted to do that this year however Thursday came and went and I was too busy to put my thoughts on paper (or screen as the case may be). Instead, I think I am going to take advantage of an extra hour on my Sundays and organize my thoughts then.  That being said...

I am thankful for appreciation.  It is much easier to serve and work when you know that your efforts are appreciated. I am not a front and center kind of girl. I don't want to be an MVP, but it sure is nice to hear, "thanks for always being dependable and doing it right the first time and making sure that it all gets done." I should probably say things like that more...

Happy Sunday!

For President Faulkner

I got a message from an old mission companion.  Apparently President Faulkner's birthday is coming up and his daughter is trying to collect letters and emails from his missionaries as a gift.  I decided that I should probably keep a copy for me.

 

Hola Presidente!

Happy Birthday!  (only the best people have birthdays in December!) I've thought about writing you letters many times over the past couple of years, but never really knew exactly how to get it to you. I know, "no hay excusos", but life just happens sometimes.

The first letter I was going to write you was a couple Christmas' ago.  We got a new stake president and Elder Cook came to the meeting.  In his Saturday night talk, he spoke about missionaries and why and how they are assigned.  It echoed something I heard in the MTC.  Basically, he said that many times we are assigned not necessarily where we can do the most good, but with the mission president that can do us the most good.  I know...no pressure there.  You did good.  I learned so much.  Funny how 10 years (can we really say that!?!) can really put things into perspective.

*"No hay excusos" applies to so many more things than obedience as a missionary. 
*The church's statement in November about children of same sex parents rocked the world.  I've been working with the youth for the past 3 years and one of my young women asked me what I thought of the new policies. Because of experiences I had on the mission (specifically when we started baptizing families and not just people), I was able to give her a coherent answer and invite her to ask the Lord for her own understanding and peace. (She found the peace she needed and just got a mission call!)

*Hna Faulkner always told me to write down experiences that I had so that I wouldn't forget them. (That applies more now, but I'll get to that in a little bit.)

A few months ago a heard about your cancer.  That was another letter that I was going to write you.  I even bought a card for you and promptly lost it on my desk. (I promise that I'll send it when I finally find it.)  I wanted to thank you for everything, your love, your support, your sacrifice, your hard words (sometimes I needed to hear them), EVERYTHING!  I know, the mission doesn't need to be the best 18 months, but I would easily call them some of the most influential months of my life. You were part of that and you made sure that I was a part of that.

The most recent letter that I almost sent (and I guess that I am sending) came about a month after I found out about your cancer.  My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the end of September.  I'll agree with your daughters favorite hashtag, #CANCERSUCKS. As hard as it has been, I haven't been angry. I've never blamed the Lord and I've never questioned His plan.  Sometimes I wonder if that is active faith or an emotional apathy, but I'm sure I'll get that sorted out eventually. I guess the reason that I wanted to tell you that is because I wanted your advice on what I could do for her. You've been there. You've done the chemo thing. You know what it feels like.  I don't. I'm in Utah and she's in Nebraska and I want to help and be supportive, but it's a little more difficult when there are 2 states between you.  I know that the Lord is with her and taking care of her and I've seen more miracles over the past 3 months that I have at any other time since my mission. He's with me. He's taking care of me. He's giving me the opportunity to see and remember these miracles.  I've been writing a lot more lately and it has been good to remember and even more than that it's been therapeutic! Who would have guessed!?! (Thanks Hermana!)

I mentioned active faith and emotional apathy.  This is something that I've been thinking about for a few years.  For a while, I adopted "life happens" as a mantra. I had a job that I didn't love and didn't feel like I was progressing in my life. I decided it was depressing.  I found Romans 8:38-39 "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Life does happen. Cancer happens. Bad jobs happen.  Single adulthood happens.  So many things happen that could easily make us unhappy, upset and even angry.  Just because these things happen doesn't mean that they have to separate us from our Heavenly Father.  We can choose to see His love and His guiding influence or we can choose to not.  I choose to find His love. 

I hope you and your family are finding that love too.

Merry Christmas!

and

Happy Birthday!!!

Much love,

Hermana Williams

So it's been more than a year...

A good friend of mine sent me a message the other day:

you ever blog any more?

So I've thought about it. I haven't. It's been a really long time. Actually, I haven't really written anything: letters, journals...anything. Even emails have been strictly professional. That makes me really sad. I used to write a lot. My degree is in English. Theoretically I should make a living off of writing. Funny how technology has changed things. I don't need to write anymore because there are now 12 other ways to communicate what my childhood pen pal our parents sent in letters.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (but that is a completely different story for another day) and I'm trying to get back to my roots-back to expressing myself through words. Today seems to be an appropriate day for me make some of those observations.

Gratitude changes EVERYTHING!

I am grateful for trials.
I am grateful for opportunity to grow in trials.
I am grateful for modern medicine.
I am grateful for miracles.
I am grateful for the faith of others.
I am grateful for the power of optimism.
I am grateful for surrogate families.
I am grateful for opportunities that I don't ask for.
I am grateful for technology that allows me to communicate with my family.
I am grateful for my family.
I am grateful for a Heavenly Father that has enough patience to work with my learning curve.
I am grateful for the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation and the comfort that it brings to my life.
I am grateful for second chances.
I am grateful for holidays that give me time to think.

Happy Thanksgiving!

make it awesome.

Volunteered by the Lord, eh?

I got this email from a friend the other day.

I’m in the middle of making some very important personal decisions and I need some help. This morning as I was praying to know what I could do today to move closer to determining the answers, I felt to send this email specifically to this group. So, no pressure or anything, but God volunteered you. ;-)

Obviously the decisions are mine to make. What I’m seeking from you is your perspectives and experiences, specifically as it relates to some ideas I’ve been pondering for the last few days. On my mind has been the idea of “best” as it relates to Elder Oaks’ talk about good, better, and best. I know that too often in my life I’ve chosen to occupy my life with a lot of really good, even great stuff, and I produce a lot of good, even great results. However, during General Conference, I felt the Spirit urging me to leave behind the good and the great to focus on the best—what is for my best good; what will provide the best opportunities to develop my faith in Christ and have the best and most intimate relationship with Him; what will best increase my capacity to participate in the Lord’s work; and what will yield the best opportunities to serve and receive the best blessings for me and for others? Bishop Stevenson’s urging to utilize the “4 minutes” we have in this life put into perspective the urgency to no longer settle for what’s great or even the penultimate best (or as my BFF Julie said once “almost the best, second only to the best” – haha) because I don’t have any more time to waste on good and better.

As I’ve been evaluating choices I need to make and opportunities presented, my key objective is to identify the best ones and pursue them—except that I’m having some trouble distinguishing best from some really, really good, “I could do this and bring a lot of good to people” options. My brain is brilliant and can make a “best” case for almost all of the options I’m considering, which is all the more confusing because I can’t possibly pursue all of them simultaneously. There’s something I’m missing, some “best” identifier that will help me distinguish the best from all of the rest. But I can’t seem to figure that out.

How do you identify what’s best and what’s just really, really great?

What does best look like, feel like, sound like, taste like, smell like, etc to you?

How would you expect the fruits of best to differ from the fruits of really great (or even from penultimate best)?

What other qualifiers do you use to identify best from among the goop of great and good?

Any and all insights will be welcomed, appreciated, and seriously considered. I highly value your opinions. You may respond to the group email or email me separately, or talk to me in person—whatever you prefer. Thank you in advance for your help.

No pressure.

Right. Three days later this is the response that I came up with.  I'm still not sure that I've completely processed my thoughts and the more I think about it the more I understand how books are written. But here it is...for better or worse.

Volunteered by the Lord, eh?  So I've now been thinking about this for 3 days.  Maybe you felt inspired to ask me so I'd have to think about it.  I don't know.  I do have a few thoughts though.  Do with them what you will. 

4 minutes.  Good. Better. Best.

I think I get caught up in the "best" and forget about the "good".

A couple of stories:

1)  Once upon a time I drove to Ephraim by myself.  I was tired.  One of my "stay awake while driving" tactics in the car is to eat, so I planned on taking healthy snacks to keep myself awake.  I don't like carrots, but they are healthy so I tried to trick myself into eating them.  I did.  I ate an entire pound of carrots in 2 hours on my way to Ephraim.  Yay me.  I ate my veggies.  My mom was so proud.  I was so proud.  I ate my carrots!!!

2)  My freshman year our Relief Society presidency gave us a booklet and a challenge "40 Days Closer to Christ".  We read the Book of Mormon as an apartment in 40 days. All six of us did it together.  Not going to lie, it was not always a pleasant experience.  Sometimes it was late at night, sometimes we were cranky, but we did it together.  I've tried (not always successfully) to recreate that personally a few times over the years. I've never had the same experience.

 

Okay. How do these apply?

Sometimes I feel like the "best" things are some grandiose gesture.  I mean, that is the definition of best, isn't it?  the biggest?  the highest quality?  the most advantageous? The word "best" is a superlative.  It's supposed to be awesome, right? I'm not so sure. I ate a pound of carrots once.  What good did that do me?  I can say I did it.  Nutritionally, meh. Maybe it helped some, but probably not as much as I would like to think it did.  My body absorbed all it needed and rejected the rest.  I still needed to eat my veggies the next day, and the day after, and the day after that.  Eating a pound of carrots in 2 hours didn't really help my nutritional needs for that week.  It would have been better if I had taken my 1/2 cup to cup of carrots and saved the rest for when I needed them.  Am I making sense?  Let's talk about the Book of Mormon.  Have you heard about the Translation challenge?  Read the Book of Mormon in the time it took to translate the book?  It started April 7th. It's approximately 6 pages a day or something like that.  Does to Lord require a grand gesture that we read the Book of Mormon in the time it took to translate it, or in 40 days, or in a month? I don't think so.  I think he just wants us to read the Book of Mormon.  He wants us to learn from it.  To cherish it. 

Today in Sunday School we talked about Moses and manna.  The children of Israel had to learn to trust the Lord.  He would provide for them. Every. Day. If they tried to take more than they needed for that one day, it spoiled. He knew what they needed.  He knows best.  

Now.  How does this define "the best" or the "penultimate best" or "the goop of good"?  It doesn't.  Sorry.  I do believe though, that if we are living as the Lord directs us through the promptings of the Spirit we will find it.  It's the small "good" things that allow us to draw close to the Spirit.  If at the end of the day we can look at our day and say that we have done all we can do to draw close to the Lord and do as he has asked, I think it's a successful day and probably the best it could have been.  While the Lord demands perfection, He doesn't demand that we do it alone.  Our best requires His help and that's okay. He actually planned it that way.

I have a procrastination problem.

I should be watching a video for work right now.  I don't want to know what Jasmine has to say about insurance and collections so I'm here. Writing nonsense. Because that is the best stuff to write. Right? I also really want to eat chocolate, but that doesn't work either.  No stress eating.  I had an AMAZING weekend.  I went to San Fransisco for a girl's weekend. I'll write more about that later.  Hope to add pictures too.  I think I have procrastinated sufficiently.  Going to be productive now.